I worked for an online sex toy retailer for a few years before I got this sweet OralSex.com gig. I learned a lot about vibrators, dildos, lube, cock rings, male masturbators, butt plugs, strap-on equipment, BDSM gear, etc. I gained a fondness and interest for these items that went beyond enjoying them for personal use. I became an expert on sex toy materials and got to write reviews on all sorts of awesome (and not awesome) products. As I do today, I always tried to keep an open mind when it came to everything. I try not to, as a friend likes to say, yuck anyone’s yum. This same friend also pointed out that some folks need certain items as motivators or excuses to engage in certain sexual activities and that is perfectly acceptable. As long as no harm can be done, I say go for it. Use all the glittery cherry cola scented massage oil you need – just don’t get it near your vagina. However, I have to draw a line at some downright stupid items. This is something I’ve wanted to write out loud for quite some time.
Oral sex mints. Why? So your partner can feel like their pussy or cock is on a ski trip in the Alps? Did you have too much garlic for dinner? Do you think they are any different than the mints you buy at the corner store? They’re not. Don’t waste your money. Manufacturers, for the love of all things right, will you please stop making them?
Even higher on the list of shit you don’t need – Numbing Oral Sex Mints. You know, “to reduce the discomfort associated with oral sex”. Look, if sucking cock is uncomfortable for you, I suggest experimenting with different ways of doing it so that both of you receive pleasure from it. Or not. Go ahead and suck on some numbing oral sex mints and while you’re at it you can go ahead and numb his cock too because that is what is going to happen. You think the numbing agent is going to selectively numb your mouth and not his member? Wrong. Then again, who wants to feel anything during oral sex, anyway? Let’s just remove the feeling from every sexual encounter all together. Why would any of us want to enjoy it or get a warning sign that something isn’t quite right?
Oral sex mints, you’re useless. You don’t even belong in gift baskets at woo girl bachelorette parties. There, I said it.