Steak and a blowjob day is today, March 14th.

Thank you Internet

Anyone doing anything special?

 

This video isn’t the best quality, but it is totally worth watching. I have gone on rants and written many advice articles on ways to initiate oral sex and I always advise against any head pushing, unless of course you know your partner is into it. Nicole Sullivan and Michael McDonald’s performance in this MADtv clip is near to my heart regarding such matter. And hilarious!

Oral Sex Is Sharing

via happyplace.com

Yes, this is real.  Thank you, happyplace.com for bringing this miracle into our lives.

Last week Arden wrote an article about the hazards of road head.  I came across this old site that gives a how-to on airplane sex so it only seemed right to post a few of the images.  Should you decide to become a member of the mile high club this summer, you’re going to need to know hot to get it done.  I’m not encouraging you to perform oral sex on yourself while sitting in your seat.  That is still illegal.  I’m just saying should you choose to venture down certain paths, these diagrams may com in handy.  Enjoy.

Airplane Blowjob Via SexTutor

Self Suck - Via SexTutor

 Airplane Cunnilingus Via Sex Tutor

Mile High Seated Blowjob - Via SexTutor

Mile High Standing Blowjob - Via Sex Tutor

Wish You Were Here

Jezebel's Sex vs. Chocolate

Jezebel's Sex vs. Chocolate

You may or may not be regular readers of Jezebel.  If you are, then you already know about their March Madness: Sex vs. Chocolate showdown.  I’m not going to spend forever explaining it, but basically they take a whole bunch of sex acts and week by week narrow it down to the people’s favorite and do the same with chocolate.  You, the internet user, gets to vote!  The two semifinalists are then pitted against one another for the ultimate Sex. vs. Chocolate win.  This is Jezebel’s genius little baby and you should definitely check out everything that has to do with it.

Last week the people voted and oral sex beat out handjob in the back of the bus.  No surprise there, but it isn’t over yet, folks!  I’m pulling for oral to make it all the way to the end, so for the next match up, get out there and vote!  I love chocolate, but I don’t think it will ever win over a good round of oral sex.  Check out Jezebel for all of the details!

Japanese Mouth Exerciser
I was perusing HotMoviesForHer’s Link Love this week and came across a blow up doll mouth insert. Well, the Japanese company that makes it has it marketed as a piece of workout equipment for your face. According to Geekologie, you just recite vowel sounds and it works to slim down your face. Sorry. It looks like something a serial killer would put in his victim’s mouth followed by a flesh colored rubber suit.

The year 2011 was a great year for Oral Sex. (I know I’ve certainly met my protein quota…) When I reflect back upon all the mouth sex of last year, it usually brings one thing to mind… What will future sex be like? It’s fun to reminisce about sticky facials, eating cream pies, and sitting on wet tongues… but that time has past… We’re now well into January and it’s becoming more and more evident to me that this year is going to be much different. Little did we Arden Adamzknow that with each dirty cell phone photo, naughty web cam show, and remotely operated sex toy use, we were really just preparing for the great Tech Sex Crescendo of 2012!

It’s not hard to believe that SIM techies are masterminding new ways to get it on. Our natural proclivity is to fuck after all, right? I’ve been known to flirt with kinky apps occasionally. It makes running errands a lot more satisfying when your phone is a versatile piece of sex equipment… and cuts down on the cost of supercharged sex toys that cost about the same. Need an “Advanced Guide To Oral Sex” on the fly? Well there’s an app for that on android. In fact there was even an app (since discontinued) called “Puff” for iPhone that allowed users to lift the skirt’s of Japanese girls by blowing into their cell’s microphone, creating a virtual gust of wind. I digress.

It’s intriguing to check out all of the complex toys and gadgets out on the market that highly trained scientists made for your horny mouth & mind. Did you know there are fascinating new technologies being used in Japan to simulate (hot?) make out sessions with your computer? Kissing robot attachments are currently being manufactured to help bridge the gap between Eastern long distance lovers– then the world! The kit simulates everything from pressure to odor and even has the capacity to memorize oral patterns & uniqueness. As The Dude from The Big Lebowski once said, “Interactive erotic software. The wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic!”

Future Sex is real, and it’s happening all around us– So I’d like to remind everyone just how important it is to go down on each other in real time. Let’s make an effort to reach our maximum Oral Sex potential before Singularity takes us all by the balls– It probably won’t be much longer till bionic features and robotic limbs start making their way south of the belt loop, hence this important blog.

-Arden

 

 

 

Vicky VetteA Tweet from adult star, Vicky Vette aired on CNN and later on the front page of Funny Or Die.  She was playing with a hash tag used by the White House in matters concerning the current payroll tax crisis.  #40Dollars refers to the $40 that we’ll be missing from our paychecks if the people in charge don’t get their act together and come to a compromise.  I’m not here to get into a political discussion, I’m here to celebrate dirty Tweets on CNN.

The lovely Miss Vette Tweeted that if all of her followers gave her #40Dollars she would give them all blow jobs.  Nice!  Of course she is totally being good sport about the ordeal and I’m sure she isn’t sad about the press.  AVN quoted her saying:

“You can’t plan stuff like that,” Vette says, “I fool around with hashtags on Twitter to keep it fun for followers.  To end up on CNN and Funny or Die is pretty cool. I’m just relieved that people who read the Funny or Die piece thought it was funny, too. It would have sucked if they had voted to ‘Die.’  I guess all my followers were in on the #40dollars joke. I have yet to get $40 bucks from anyone, even though the payroll tax deal was reached. Let’s face it, the chances of me being on CNN unless I have sex with Charlie Sheen or run for governor are zero, so I’ll take it. I’m just bummed my mother watches Fox News… she missed it.”

Vicky Vette Tweet via Funny Or Die

 If you’re blind like me, here is a close up of her Tweet.

Via Funny Or DieIn case you’re considering taking the lovely Miss Vette up on her offer, feel free to check out her work in Cock Suckers – M.I.L.F Edition and Suck It Dry 3.  Don’t forget to follow her on Twitter.

Cock Suckers - M.I.L.F EditionSuck It Dry 3