I was perusing HotMoviesForHer’s Link Love this week and came across a blow up doll mouth insert. Well, the Japanese company that makes it has it marketed as a piece of workout equipment for your face. According to Geekologie, you just recite vowel sounds and it works to slim down your face. Sorry. It looks like something a serial killer would put in his victim’s mouth followed by a flesh colored rubber suit.
The year 2011 was a great year for Oral Sex. (I know I’ve certainly met my protein quota…) When I reflect back upon all the mouth sex of last year, it usually brings one thing to mind… What will future sex be like? It’s fun to reminisce about sticky facials, eating cream pies, and sitting on wet tongues… but that time has past… We’re now well into January and it’s becoming more and more evident to me that this year is going to be much different. Little did we 
know that with each dirty cell phone photo, naughty web cam show, and remotely operated sex toy use, we were really just preparing for the great Tech Sex Crescendo of 2012!
It’s not hard to believe that SIM techies are masterminding new ways to get it on. Our natural proclivity is to fuck after all, right? I’ve been known to flirt with kinky apps occasionally. It makes running errands a lot more satisfying when your phone is a versatile piece of sex equipment… and cuts down on the cost of supercharged sex toys that cost about the same. Need an “Advanced Guide To Oral Sex” on the fly? Well there’s an app for that on android. In fact there was even an app (since discontinued) called “Puff” for iPhone that allowed users to lift the skirt’s of Japanese girls by blowing into their cell’s microphone, creating a virtual gust of wind. I digress.
It’s intriguing to check out all of the complex toys and gadgets out on the market that highly trained scientists made for your horny mouth & mind. Did you know there are fascinating new technologies being used in Japan to simulate (hot?) make out sessions with your computer? Kissing robot attachments are currently being manufactured to help bridge the gap between Eastern long distance lovers– then the world! The kit simulates everything from pressure to odor and even has the capacity to memorize oral patterns & uniqueness. As The Dude from The Big Lebowski once said, “Interactive erotic software. The wave of the future, Dude. 100% electronic!”
Future Sex is real, and it’s happening all around us– So I’d like to remind everyone just how important it is to go down on each other in real time. Let’s make an effort to reach our maximum Oral Sex potential before Singularity takes us all by the balls– It probably won’t be much longer till bionic features and robotic limbs start making their way south of the belt loop, hence this important blog.
A Tweet from adult star, Vicky Vette aired on CNN and later on the front page of Funny Or Die. She was playing with a hash tag used by the White House in matters concerning the current payroll tax crisis. #40Dollars refers to the $40 that we’ll be missing from our paychecks if the people in charge don’t get their act together and come to a compromise. I’m not here to get into a political discussion, I’m here to celebrate dirty Tweets on CNN.
The lovely Miss Vette Tweeted that if all of her followers gave her #40Dollars she would give them all blow jobs. Nice! Of course she is totally being good sport about the ordeal and I’m sure she isn’t sad about the press. AVN quoted her saying:
“You can’t plan stuff like that,” Vette says, “I fool around with hashtags on Twitter to keep it fun for followers. To end up on CNN and Funny or Die is pretty cool. I’m just relieved that people who read the Funny or Die piece thought it was funny, too. It would have sucked if they had voted to ‘Die.’ I guess all my followers were in on the #40dollars joke. I have yet to get $40 bucks from anyone, even though the payroll tax deal was reached. Let’s face it, the chances of me being on CNN unless I have sex with Charlie Sheen or run for governor are zero, so I’ll take it. I’m just bummed my mother watches Fox News… she missed it.”
If you’re blind like me, here is a close up of her Tweet.
In case you’re considering taking the lovely Miss Vette up on her offer, feel free to check out her work in Cock Suckers – M.I.L.F Edition and Suck It Dry 3. Don’t forget to follow her on Twitter.
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It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to make sure you have a least one or two gifts under the tree, but oral sex is a pretty good way to let someone know you care during the holidays. I’m definitely not suggesting you send everything back to Amazon in exchange for the blow job of the century or to take a crack at setting the world’s longest cunnilingus session. I’m simply suggesting that going down on that special someone just might add to their enjoyment of the holidays. Don’t forget the peppermint flavored lube!
This unfortunate television talk show personality has somewhat of a brain fart when it comes to Turkey calling technology. After seeing this rather genius sounding animal call device demonstrated right in front of her, she decides to take it to a whole new level. The call device does not require the user to orally produce any noise, but apparently this woman cannot help but want to blow inside of this dark rubber hole. Something her co-host is quick to point out on air as he removes the Turkey caller from her face. So funny.
I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that were there, The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I knew then I had to have you for my own.
Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I carried you & threw the door.
Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs, and breasts. Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender white skin.
From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my arms, to the warm water that awaits.
The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft breasts then, making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets of water cover your taut skin.
My hands rub your body, ummmm running them threw the beads of water. Making them trickle down off your body.
I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so ready. I carry your still dripping body, to a laying place, so that I can put inside you what was well prepared to enter you before we even came through the door.
As soon as I lay you down your legs spread open wide. You are ready now and so am I.
I put a little in slowly at first, getting a feel for how much you can take in.
I put in more, you take it willingly. In anticipation, faster and faster I put it in, pushing it in deeply as far as I can, until I can’t put any more in, you are so tight. With your legs wrapped tightly, not wanting to release any of it,
I make you so hot for a very long time, until your sweet juices escape from within. Then I taste you, with my tongue at first, your skin is so soft and tender.
I taste more of you with my mouth, you are so hot and moist, you taste so good.
Your juices coating my mouth, making me drool in anticipation of eating you more, with every taste.
“Oh yes”, I say to you,
I must say Grace “Thank God for Butterball turkey…. Amen”
Happy Thanksgiving!
- OralSex.com
If your partner suddenly decided they didn’t want to perform oral sex for you any longer, how would you react?
In this hysterical oral sex video, a young couple lies in bed after the adorable woman gives a blow job to her grateful man-piece. She looks up, and tells him that she eventually would like to stop giving him oral sex in a loving tone. When asked what she means by that statement, the conversation leads to an oral sex countdown that he is not happy about.
Hilarious oral sex humor from the classic blockbuster comedy, Old School. Andy Dick teaches a group of married women how to give a blow job correctly. Of course, Andy Dick doesn’t do anything without adding a flare of ridiculousness. Wearing a child’s small rugby shirt and an awful red choir boy wig, he performs oral sex on a poor, defenseless carrot. We’re still trying to figure out if the dog in this scene is real when he is using it as a visual speaking aid.
Grab your vegetables!
When it comes to oral sex, men are always glorifying fellatio between each other in open conversation. Very rarely do we hear women carrying on about how great cunnilingus is. This is why we’re giving two tongues up for this racy cheer. Watch as this lifetime cheerleader takes a moment to shake her pom-poms for her favorite brand of oral sex. Cunnilingus of course!
Fatman Scoop and his wife Shanda sit down to teach you the finer points of performing oral sex on women. Scoop’s descriptions of the art of cunnilingus have enlightened the staff here at OralSex.com. As a direct result of his oral sex innovations, we may be posting on the “wine swish” and “jolly rancher” oral sex techniques very soon. One thing about this video is made very clear though, Shanda’s clitoris must be very happy with Scoop’s lips. Every woman in our office sat up and commented, “Wow, now those look fun..” while watching him demonstrate his masterful “pussy-ology”. Although, we’re not quite sure how the beard feels on the ass at this point. There may be an oral sex survey conducted here on whether male facial hair is welcomed or feared during cunnilingus.
Thank you to Fatman Scoop and Shanda for creating these hysterical sex education videos at ManAndWife.tv!